Haunted

I asked God if I could dream about you...and I did. Perhaps this time in quarantine is giving me too much time to think. Too much time to think about all the things I've lost and what I could have done differently.

I dreamed that you were a ghost, I couldn't see you but I could hear your voice. The piano began to play a song you liked and I can't remember what it was. I woke up in the middle of the dream, trying my hardest to get back into the dream so I could remember what song you were playing. I woke up sad, I don't know why I can't have good dreams....but even those can be sad, remembering....

I remember the last words I said to you. If I could teach anyone anything it would be that you always need to think about what you say to people... you never know when it could be the last thing you ever say. I wish I could take my words back. I wish I had a chance to do things over. I think about what I would do differently.... and wonder if the outcome would be any different.

You see those things you thought you would never live through, You live through, but it doesn't mean that they don't haunt you forever. I'm haunted by your loss. I'm haunted by everything I lost in the last two years. I miss the life we had before, I miss your smile. I miss having you there to talk to and how you were the person who understood me the most. I'll never get that back and it haunts me. I'm just here dancing with beautiful ghosts.

I don't know why you had to go kiddo. I know you are at peace, I just wish I could be too...